Women with newborns and infants often wonder how to assess the feelings they are experiencing and the thoughts they are having.
They are uncertain about what’s “normal” and typical and what might be cause for concern. Especially if a woman’s expectation has been that that the transformation from person to parent and parent-of-one to parent-of-two would be instantaneous and seamless, she might not be prepared for such thoughts and feelings as:
This is definitely not what I expected. Nobody told me it would be this hard. I feel like I have lost my sense of self/independence/locus of control. I used to be so efficient/competent – now I feel successful if I can fit a shower into my day. I love my baby but if he/she had arrived in a box, I might mark it “return to sender” and hurry to the post office.
All of the preceding is normal and typical, especially if you have a baby who is still waking up a number of times each night and has not yet figured out that napping is good for everyone!
Or you have a baby with some eating/nursing/gastric issues, which many, many babies do.
Here is what is less typical and possibly indicative of some depression or anxiety:
frequent and/or uncontrollable bouts of (maternal) crying; intense sadness and/or anxiety; frightening intrusive thoughts; difficulty connecting emotionally with your baby even if you are able to provide adequate physical care; having difficulty providing your baby with adequate physical care; wishing to or actually avoiding interacting with your baby; having trouble sleeping at night even when your baby is sleeping; thoughts of self-harm, a plan to harm yourself or your baby.
If this second set of thoughts/feelings characterizes what’s going on for you, there is help out there.
Tell your obstetrical care provider.
Tell your partner.
Go online to postpartum.net and learn more about perinatal mood and anxiety.
CALL the MOMS Line at 866-364-6667, at ANY time of night or day.
There, you can speak with a perinatal mental health professional who can help you better understand how you are feeling and make some recommendations as to what will help you feel and do better.
Then, they will send you the names of some therapists in your area who take your insurance and maybe refer you to a support group at a wonderful program called Beyond the Baby Blues!
There is help out there and you will feel better when you get it.