One of the lessons I have learned from the many women we have worked with in our BBB groups is that we, as women, are much better at feeling and displaying empathy for other women than we are for ourselves.
In our groups, every member has the opportunity each week to share how she has been feeling, what struggles she continues to experience, and the progress she is making toward feeling more like herself again.
Often a group member will describe a difficult relationship, a work conflict, or concerns about her baby, as well as the difficult emotions engendered by these situations - followed quickly by negative, self-judgmental thoughts. Other group members will respond with expressions of concern and understanding that are clearly heartfelt and without any hint of judgment. Yet these same group members, when they speak about their own situations, are also quick to be critical of themselves for their own struggles.
We call this the double whammy: not only are they experiencing unsettling feelings, they also are blaming themselves for experiencing these feelings.
I don’t think this response is atypical for women.
It is often much easier for us to be kind and understanding of others than it is for us to direct those feelings toward ourselves. We need to learn to practice our own version of that old proverb: (emotional) charity begins at home!